I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
