...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
