Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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