Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
