clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
