corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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