i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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