how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
