the new term for farting is butt boxing.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
