I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
