I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i will never coherently bang her
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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