I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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