girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
