I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
