So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize