Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
