I met the friendliest cop last night
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
