Cold hands, warm shart.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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