he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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