Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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