i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize