You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
