i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
