Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
