My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
