wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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