We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
organizing the empties. That sober.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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