Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
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