i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I could make wine with my vomit
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
