Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize