Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
