Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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