When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
