I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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