I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
