i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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