did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
