I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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