I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
handjob tips. give me some.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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