i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
