If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
