I seem to have left my pride at pride
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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