Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
