I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You ate ashes out of my bong
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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