Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
