the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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