honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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