i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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