I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
foreskin is a definite game changer
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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