I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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