i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
