My friends, they love my intelligence
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
my poor anus
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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