D3 body, D1 cock
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
