If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
