OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
