HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
