I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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