Your dad touched me again.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
