Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
