i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
