You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
