Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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