my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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