just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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