you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
