Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
