I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
