the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
