There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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