This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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